A Picture Says a Thousand Words

I got my mission call to Tahiti!

I have also been researching Tahiti like crazy since then...maybe instead of studying.

I learned how to ride a motorcycle and got to get into second gear after an hour and a half! SO FUN. 

Happy Halloween, people. :) Partyin', partyin', yeah.

So much more, but these are the highlights. 

xoxo, Court

Please Do Not Be Offended if You Fall in this Category

I have been in a funky mood for most of the afternoon but I am in a good place right now. So this will be an observation rather than a rant.
Provo Culture: a culture of Happy Valley in which ecstatic joy is the default emotion and people are exceptionally kind. HOWEVER there is judgment, hypocrisy, ditziness, superficiality, predictable conversation, and relatively insignificant hardships.
I say this out of love. Tough love.
There is an extraordinary amount of sameness about most people which I find myself slipping into. I want to quit school, travel somewhere far away, and write my soul out.
So I'm doing the next best, socially-acceptable, selfless thing- going on a mission to Tahiti. And I am so happy. (Did I mention how excited I am to get to know the beautiful people of Tahiti? I'm going to be so much better for this mission because I will be completely outwardly-focused for so long.)
It's high time for a break from P-town. I am thoroughly in love with the mountains, several people (you know who you are), and my school but sometimes the "culture" drives me up a wall.
These people are mostly good, sweet people. They are not all like this all of the time. I just wish people would be real more often.
I know you're supposed to "be happier than you feel" and I get that, but sometimes my eyes water because the squeal-talking is so high-pitched. This is not a joke.
I consider myself one of the happiest people on this planet but I don't feel the need to be excited about every single thing all the time. That's just not sane.
I sincerely hope that my opinion is taken in moderation with what you know about me as a person and with an understanding that I come from a very different place in life. I just simply could not abide living like this for the rest of my life.
I believe too much personal growth and progress is stunted here in a chronic attempt to be loved and adored rather than risk putting yourself out there by saying how you really feel and having a real response to various stimuli.

I was told earlier tonight about a guy who is really intriguing who dropped out of school and I actually admire  that honesty to yourself.

No Mom and Dad, I would never drop out of school permanently. But I would definitely take a break from this crazy town.
Provo, it's a love-hate thing. But for now, peace and love.
Court

"Tiny Break" #1623893

I am taking my eleven-hundredth-million "tiny" break today from the beast that is Poli Sci 200 and thought I would write.
When I signed in, it showed some data of my blogs and said this blog has been viewed 10,350ish times. Dang. Who are all of you people? I'm super flattered. Maybe I just have a dedicated stalker, in that case, hi again.
So when I get deep in the zone of studying, I become a slightly different person. I find myself behaving somewhat like a cat: craving a glass of milk, eating tuna out of the can (with a fork though), and taking cat naps.
I have like 10 pages left of this thing. I am writing about the government structures of India and China and their enforcement of environmental policies and the effect of this on business. I have possibly over-stretched myself on this one. I made myself laugh earlier when I realized what a seriously big and complex topic this was and I said, "I am dealing with some big fish here!" Then I had a silent laugh about it. In case you were wondering, no I haven't been outside at all today.
I weirdly enjoy difficult classes but in this situation, it is really a blow to the ego because I have to look up every tiny detail because I am just not an expert on these two countries. Whatsoever.
As a side note, Romney has my vote. If you feel like this warrants a "delete" on Facebook, I understand that you felt like you had to do that. I just really don't think Obama knows how to do math very well and Romney used to be weirdish but he is actually very intelligent and pretty darn funny sometimes. (Al Smith dinner)
I like how my hair looks right now, it naturally went into a chic ponytail. Like, I have woken up early on school days to achieve this look with very little success and now that I am imprisoned by homework, my hair bounced right into place. Miley Cyrus hair: can't be tamed.
Feeling pretty good about my life, going to Tahiti on a mission, in case you hadn't heard! I am absolutely romantically thrilled with the opportunity to learn TWO languages: Tahitian and French. My mission call says Tahitian, but I have spoken with many people and French is apparently just as common. Yay!!
On several "tiny breaks" I have practiced my French and my accent is pretty good, I think. I just need more vocabulary. There are only so many times you can say "Je ne parle pas francais mais j'adore paris! in an impeccable accent before you grow weary.
Ok time for my orange jell-o (dinner), it is 5:01 which means I met my goal to not eat it until after 5:00.
Au revoir! A bientot!
amor, Courtney

Advice for Life

Just a few thoughts for the world, not everyone needs this but I have observed a few things during my time on this planet that have worked for me.

1. Never make a weird association with someone's name. They have to live with their name after you finish talking, that stuff bothers people regardless of who you are. (same concept true for pointing out oddities with their body or personality)

2. Never criticize a person who has a crush on your friend. Especially not to your friend. No one wants to think that losers like them.

3. Attractive and sensitive people tend to get teased more than their fair share. I hesitate to say this but I really think that there is a weird phenomena of not letting people know they're attractive because you worry that they won't want to be associated with you anymore. Attractive people, acknowledge this and don't take it so hard next time. 

4. When you're in an unpleasant situation, don't waste time wishing you were somewhere else. You can actually train your mind to not imagine "I wish I was... instead." Be in the moment and make the best of it you can, learn something from it. 

5. If you really care about someone who is no longer in your life, you might have some unanswered questions. Ask them as soon as possible. Trying to explain things with your imagination will drive you crazy. (note to self)

6. Don't carry on a friendship if it starts tainting your positive memories with that person. Be there for that person when they go through something difficult but know when it's bringing you down as well. Hang on to the good memories. 

7. Don't have a crush on your TA in a really difficult class like Political Science. It makes assignments that much more stressful because you know that person will be grading it. Just don't put yourself through that. 

8. Be nice to your family randomly. It makes life so fun to get a random text or call the moment someone thinks about you or misses you. This works for friends also, but make sure family is a priority. 

9. Never assume you can make a quick trip to the library or whatever and dress accordingly. YOU WILL SEE PEOPLE YOU LIKE. 

10. It's okay to be in awe of your friends sometimes. Appreciate when someone lets you in your life, even if just for a few minutes, they didn't have to do that. 

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL: Inspired by "Take Me Home"

If you REALLY want to understand me a little better, read it. If you only read a little bit then that's okay also. If you don't read it at all, you'll get it from spending enough time with me. Take the time.

I am Courtney Carter. I am an introvert but an extrovert when I want to be. I am happiest when I'm driving somewhere or doing something I have never done before. I prefer doing these things with people I love but I am perfectly happy by myself. I don't need a lot, just love and support and I'll show you my best. Sometimes my weird moods are out of my control and I just have to function through it and sometimes I say things I don't mean. I desperately would love to be in a Sundance Film Festival type of movie, no make up. I want to fall in love. I have loved before, but I know there's more to it. I love country music with details in the lyrics. I can't really sing in front of people without music, but I have sounded good several times when I've been by myself. You're just going to have to take my word for it. :) I love being Mormon so much. I am proud to be associated with successful, happy people and it makes me feel fulfilled when I see happy families. I don't agree with Provo culture where guys think they're sweetstuff because they served a mission and they deserve a girl that is prettier than they are handsome and the girl just wants to get married to make babies. I don't think that's how it's supposed to go, exactly. I believe in true love. I believe I deserve someone that amazes me. I love reading more than almost anything else. My favorite place in the world is a clean bathroom and a mirror, no particular one. I love road trips so much that it almost doesn't matter where I'm going. I could be going to the grocery store, I just like driving places. I do not like running. I like the ellyptical and eating healthy foods, but I just imagine my knee cartilage wearing down and that makes me distressed. I am obsessed with old people. I love talking to strangers. I overthink how I appear to my crush and my friends. I know that I'm talking with a true friend when I completely forget about how I look and how they look and I'm completely thinking about what we're talking about. I like that moment when you have a great conversation with someone and come out of the conversation so happy to have found someone who gets you, at least in a small part. I enjoy analyzing people. I constantly analyze romantic relationships around me. I daydream about how to get on the Ellen show and what I would say that would show the world how beautiful life is and how every person is so exciting. I want to get on national news for something so people can add to conversations by saying how they knew me. I don't think life is simple, I think it's really complex. I am obsessed with naming my future kids, for girls I like Olivia, Sylvia, Diana, Lydia, Julia. For boy names I like Parker, Hunter, Cooper, Carter, Alexander. I want a guy who can take me in different moods and in different lifestyles. When I travel, I want to get lost somewhere off the beaten track. I rarely get specific directions because I enjoy figuring it out. I like knowing the gas mileage of the car I'm driving. Preferably as I'm driving. I like the cars that have "miles to go" before the gas tank is empty. I am a hopeless romantic. I love foreigners. I think it is so sexy when a guy is really smart. The word for that is sapiosexual. I love the smell of a bike shop. I love the smell of a new car, leather shoes, new books, my hair. I love everything bohemian. There was a "Say Yes to the Dress" Randy special where a Dallas cowgirl chose a boho chic dress/hair/make up ensemble and I LOVED it. I love having long hair. I wish I had more time to do stuff with my hair. I learned how to do a fishtail braid when a girl was braiding her friend's hair in a church devotional two rows in front of me. I have a bad habit of looking people in the eyes when I'm walking around. Sometimes I have to remind myself to fidget or blink when I'm talking to people because I'm so focused on what they're saying. I worry a lot that I talk too much about myself in conversations, but sometimes that's the only relevant response I can think about. I am fascinated by people who are really different from me. I want to learn everyone's life history. I love Rachel Weisz and a Fine Frenzy's make up is so pretty. I love when people tell me about themselves. I notice other people's eyes. Not necessarily the color, but how I feel about them. I get so thrilled every time someone gives me a compliment. I rarely remember what people wear, I barely remember what I wore the day before. I love talking and talking with people who have new thoughts. I love people with a wry sense of humor. I like big words and I like people who use big words. I like literary references, I wish I knew more. My memory for names is really good if I have seen it written. I have a photographic memory: I can visualize where I've seen it written and how it's written. I want to go skydiving. I love my family so much. I want to wait a few years to have kids with my husband because I want us to have our relationship all to ourselves for a little bit before it changes into something else. I cannot wait to have kids, I will probably have a ton of them because I think kids are the coolest/funniest beings ever. Also, I'm going to be an awesome mom and I think guys are so attractive when they're good with kids so I'll be hopelessly in love with my husband when we have kids. I believe in savoring moments and taking things slow to appreciate incremental changes. I love people who give hugs and play with hands and are close when you're talking, not in a romantic or flirty way, just with friends. I need closure and I need questions answered or else it drives me insane. I need to know why things happen. I love chocolate soy milk. My tongue swells up when I have too much processed sugar. I get stressed when I'm supposed to work out in a group. My eyes change color depending on distance, what I'm wearing, and/or how I feel. They're mostly green but are gray when I'm really mad. I enjoy playing volleyball. I am flattered and so happy that I'm the Ward Volleyball Captain. I need about 8 hours of sleep a night. I can easily stay up late but I usually get weird and discombobulated if I maintain a haphazard sleeping pattern. I enjoy thinking about big questions and serious topics. I imagine what type of politician I would be. I rarely consult a recipe to cook unless I'm cooking for other people. I think Nutella is one of the best things invented. I don't crave bacon like the rest of the population apparently does. I don't think I've ever had a super strict routine for how I do anything. I rarely have matching socks. I really love walking long distances. I love taking pictures because it's hard to predict exactly how it's going to turn out. I love people who don't have to talk all the time. I am sometimes too aware of people's presence, just in general, and I think I send out vibes to push people away and I don't know why. I love breezes and being cold at night. I usually have vivid dreams. I read Fox News and CNN. Truthfully, I think I'm a Libertarian but I don't want to throw away my vote. Details matter. I think the most attractive guys are gorgeous, intelligent, and observant. I rarely listen to music when I drive, usually it's off. When it's on I like to listen to classical, jazz, foreign, country, or a song I can really sing with. I usually say the right thing but I don't like having to do it for a long period of time. I like being able to go from completely serious to laughing to completely serious again. I'm fully aware of my worth and I will be picky about who I marry. Also, I refuse to feel stressed about not being engaged. I'm 20 years old. I am going on a mission and that is going to make me better. I want to marry someone who will travel with me and get lost and hold me and get my humor and just look me in the eyes without talking sometimes. I am so excited about everything I have done and all that I'm going to do. I just watched "Take Me Home" and movies like that make me fall in love with life all over again. I don't even care if that's cheesy, that's how I feel about it. I love people who take the time to stick through the "nothing" times and the "crazy fun" times to understand who I really am.
xoxoxox Courtney

Current Thoughts: "What is going on?"

I have felt every conceivable emotion in the past few days. I have loved seeing Janani, Meagan, Laura, and skyping with Steven and Lily!! I have sent out roughly 40 job applications and have an interview for 10 AM tomorrow lined up with Hardee's for a biscuit-maker job. This might possibly conflict with an opportunity I have to work at a daycare with a woman from church. Emotions involved: initially repelled from Hardee's lack of good food and fast food environment, grateful to hear back from SOMEBODY, stressed about possibly not getting another job, anxiety over the fact that I may have missed a babysitting opportunity by waiting an extra day to hear back from another babysitting offer, sadness that my parents keep giving advice that condemns my current plan of action, uncertainty about whether my parent's constant questioning is in fact squelching my self-motivation, and general weariness at the prospect of uncertain hours at Tropical Smoothie for the rest of the summer. I also am trying to suppress feelings of resentment that my parents wanted me to stay home for the summer because they missed me but I may have missed big opportunities in Washington, D.C. or in Utah. I love my family but the job situation is starting to take its toll on not only my motivation but also on my energy level. Ughhhhhhhh.

Anywho, my roadtrip to visit my Nana and Grandpere is a much-needed break from these emotions. I love my grandparents and I hope that I will not be too melancholy. I have never worried about being able to control my emotions at will, but recently I have seen how it has disrupted my natural conversation style and it worries me that I am not able to put things out of my mind completely when interacting with non-related people. I should probably clean my room but I have to do it when I have the motivation and that motivation is depleted whenever it is mentioned so it's a delicate balance between allowing enough time to pass after my parents bring it up and genuinely being in the mood before they bring it up again. I love my parents and I respect them but I'm realizing that time spent at college has frozen my abilities and personality in their mind while I have been gone and now that I'm back, I feel as though my character is regressing slightly because they don't know how I've grown so I have to constantly reassert who I am and that is driving me crazy. My sister Hali and I get along much better now than we did when I first came home. I think the key is to just be the person I know I am and letting the rest of the family catch up with it. 

I am also consumed by thoughts of my mission and its implications. There is a fascinating person in my life that overwhelms me with his potential and our potential for a synergistic relationship but this cannot be determined until we are together. I just deleted a large portion of what I wrote because it's so personal that I should not post it in a public blog. Just know that if you see me and I seem to have erratic behavior or mannerisms that it is a direct result of the intense pressure of my current life. 

I must bid adieu to get dressed for work and possibly jog in place for a minute to amp up my energy levels. I have an amazing life and I must be so careful to appreciate everything in it, so I close now with my reassertion that I am grateful for this job and I will do a good job today at blending those smoothies. :)

Court 

Wearing Over-Sized Cat Shirt, Will Write.

Ooooooooooook. I'm a lazy writer. Bite me.

So life is kind of busy and sometimes I like doing easybrain things like scroll through my Fbook newsfeed and get short-term highs from funny gifs on Tumblr.

So I had a weird dream last night that I am suddenly forgetting about... I mainly remember that there was a lot of dark blue, black, and illicit activities. A lot of action. And I had to sneak around so the bad guys wouldn't see me. Why do we forget our dreams so quickly? I think it should be a mandatory life activity to write about our dreams as soon as we wake up, before we think about anything else. This should be so important that it can be used as a viable excuse for being late to other appointments and activities. I want to be a professional kookologist or whatever the name is for a professional dream analyzer. Our dreams are our subconscious working through the stuff we think about while we're awake. Do I have a secret desire to be involved in illicit activities?? Maybe.

Update on my life in 20 words: Tropsmoo worker again, planning roadtrip to DisneyWorld, goldendoodle puppy in two weeks, writing a book, intense thinking about my life. Any other questions? Text, comment, or email me.

ANYWHO, I have been doing some serious career analysis. This may or may not have been brought on by my being turned down by Chipotle in lieu of another candidate who was more qualified. FOR CHIPOTLE?! How hard can it be to ask "Black beans or baked beans?", hear "black beans", and scoop black beans onto a burrito?? Apparently too difficult according to a review of my current qualifications.. It's no big deal really, I just can't believe how crazy it is to get a job. I'm happy with my job, but 45 applications later and still nothing super promising. Two major roadblocks: I can't be a waitress because I'm not old enough to serve alcohol and I'm only looking for a summer job so I can't continue work after August. Enough of this rant.

The Olympics start on July 27th! I am so excited to chill on the couch and eat candy while I watch it. Actually I'm going to do something new, I plan on doing a (severely) modified version of the event I'm watching so I can feel a 1/1000th of their experience. I have made an exciting self-discovery: I never feel guilty while watching television because I am constantly analyzing whatever I am watching. I consciously file away portions of what I watch to either support or dismiss prior opinions. I just make sure I watch as little junk as possible (Bravo in moderation).

So if you're still reading, you must be kind of obsessed with me so I'll continue with some more of my observations about myself. I'm kind of at a standstill with the books I'm reading because "Zero Day" by David Baldacci I fear has some scary stuff forthcoming (based on what I've read so far) and the other one "Wheel of Time" or something like that, has weird names for everyone and the characters behave abnormally. It was given to me by this really cool guy that I met at a hot tub though and the book is adorably duct-taped back together because he has read it so much so I'm going to get through the book no matter what.

My mom just came in to see what I was doing and when I told her I was updating my blogs, she gave me a severely disapproving look that I had multiple public blogs. I think my parents are sometimes confused by me.

I worked out today at the gym today and I feel great! I've been working out quite a bit since being home and my job requires me to either stand or walk so I consider it a form of non-sedentary behavior, which is a plus. This guy kept showing up at a machine nearby whenever I moved around the gym, which was either coincidence or a form of flattery. I looked like a hot mess though so I think we can safely assume that he has a hottie crush on me. It is so strange how differently I write, from how I think, from how I speak.

Mom just told me that I have a good memory for books, ok she gets me.

Ok I'm going to do some more soul-searching as I either make a valiant attempt at the books or chillax on netflix with a foreign documentary or chat with Mumzie. I didn't write a lot of what I intended to write, but I am pleased with the fact that I made it here and jotted down a few alphabetical characters.

Ciao! xoxo Coco