Current Thoughts: "What is going on?"

I have felt every conceivable emotion in the past few days. I have loved seeing Janani, Meagan, Laura, and skyping with Steven and Lily!! I have sent out roughly 40 job applications and have an interview for 10 AM tomorrow lined up with Hardee's for a biscuit-maker job. This might possibly conflict with an opportunity I have to work at a daycare with a woman from church. Emotions involved: initially repelled from Hardee's lack of good food and fast food environment, grateful to hear back from SOMEBODY, stressed about possibly not getting another job, anxiety over the fact that I may have missed a babysitting opportunity by waiting an extra day to hear back from another babysitting offer, sadness that my parents keep giving advice that condemns my current plan of action, uncertainty about whether my parent's constant questioning is in fact squelching my self-motivation, and general weariness at the prospect of uncertain hours at Tropical Smoothie for the rest of the summer. I also am trying to suppress feelings of resentment that my parents wanted me to stay home for the summer because they missed me but I may have missed big opportunities in Washington, D.C. or in Utah. I love my family but the job situation is starting to take its toll on not only my motivation but also on my energy level. Ughhhhhhhh.

Anywho, my roadtrip to visit my Nana and Grandpere is a much-needed break from these emotions. I love my grandparents and I hope that I will not be too melancholy. I have never worried about being able to control my emotions at will, but recently I have seen how it has disrupted my natural conversation style and it worries me that I am not able to put things out of my mind completely when interacting with non-related people. I should probably clean my room but I have to do it when I have the motivation and that motivation is depleted whenever it is mentioned so it's a delicate balance between allowing enough time to pass after my parents bring it up and genuinely being in the mood before they bring it up again. I love my parents and I respect them but I'm realizing that time spent at college has frozen my abilities and personality in their mind while I have been gone and now that I'm back, I feel as though my character is regressing slightly because they don't know how I've grown so I have to constantly reassert who I am and that is driving me crazy. My sister Hali and I get along much better now than we did when I first came home. I think the key is to just be the person I know I am and letting the rest of the family catch up with it. 

I am also consumed by thoughts of my mission and its implications. There is a fascinating person in my life that overwhelms me with his potential and our potential for a synergistic relationship but this cannot be determined until we are together. I just deleted a large portion of what I wrote because it's so personal that I should not post it in a public blog. Just know that if you see me and I seem to have erratic behavior or mannerisms that it is a direct result of the intense pressure of my current life. 

I must bid adieu to get dressed for work and possibly jog in place for a minute to amp up my energy levels. I have an amazing life and I must be so careful to appreciate everything in it, so I close now with my reassertion that I am grateful for this job and I will do a good job today at blending those smoothies. :)

Court 

Wearing Over-Sized Cat Shirt, Will Write.

Ooooooooooook. I'm a lazy writer. Bite me.

So life is kind of busy and sometimes I like doing easybrain things like scroll through my Fbook newsfeed and get short-term highs from funny gifs on Tumblr.

So I had a weird dream last night that I am suddenly forgetting about... I mainly remember that there was a lot of dark blue, black, and illicit activities. A lot of action. And I had to sneak around so the bad guys wouldn't see me. Why do we forget our dreams so quickly? I think it should be a mandatory life activity to write about our dreams as soon as we wake up, before we think about anything else. This should be so important that it can be used as a viable excuse for being late to other appointments and activities. I want to be a professional kookologist or whatever the name is for a professional dream analyzer. Our dreams are our subconscious working through the stuff we think about while we're awake. Do I have a secret desire to be involved in illicit activities?? Maybe.

Update on my life in 20 words: Tropsmoo worker again, planning roadtrip to DisneyWorld, goldendoodle puppy in two weeks, writing a book, intense thinking about my life. Any other questions? Text, comment, or email me.

ANYWHO, I have been doing some serious career analysis. This may or may not have been brought on by my being turned down by Chipotle in lieu of another candidate who was more qualified. FOR CHIPOTLE?! How hard can it be to ask "Black beans or baked beans?", hear "black beans", and scoop black beans onto a burrito?? Apparently too difficult according to a review of my current qualifications.. It's no big deal really, I just can't believe how crazy it is to get a job. I'm happy with my job, but 45 applications later and still nothing super promising. Two major roadblocks: I can't be a waitress because I'm not old enough to serve alcohol and I'm only looking for a summer job so I can't continue work after August. Enough of this rant.

The Olympics start on July 27th! I am so excited to chill on the couch and eat candy while I watch it. Actually I'm going to do something new, I plan on doing a (severely) modified version of the event I'm watching so I can feel a 1/1000th of their experience. I have made an exciting self-discovery: I never feel guilty while watching television because I am constantly analyzing whatever I am watching. I consciously file away portions of what I watch to either support or dismiss prior opinions. I just make sure I watch as little junk as possible (Bravo in moderation).

So if you're still reading, you must be kind of obsessed with me so I'll continue with some more of my observations about myself. I'm kind of at a standstill with the books I'm reading because "Zero Day" by David Baldacci I fear has some scary stuff forthcoming (based on what I've read so far) and the other one "Wheel of Time" or something like that, has weird names for everyone and the characters behave abnormally. It was given to me by this really cool guy that I met at a hot tub though and the book is adorably duct-taped back together because he has read it so much so I'm going to get through the book no matter what.

My mom just came in to see what I was doing and when I told her I was updating my blogs, she gave me a severely disapproving look that I had multiple public blogs. I think my parents are sometimes confused by me.

I worked out today at the gym today and I feel great! I've been working out quite a bit since being home and my job requires me to either stand or walk so I consider it a form of non-sedentary behavior, which is a plus. This guy kept showing up at a machine nearby whenever I moved around the gym, which was either coincidence or a form of flattery. I looked like a hot mess though so I think we can safely assume that he has a hottie crush on me. It is so strange how differently I write, from how I think, from how I speak.

Mom just told me that I have a good memory for books, ok she gets me.

Ok I'm going to do some more soul-searching as I either make a valiant attempt at the books or chillax on netflix with a foreign documentary or chat with Mumzie. I didn't write a lot of what I intended to write, but I am pleased with the fact that I made it here and jotted down a few alphabetical characters.

Ciao! xoxo Coco

Wow. I am seriously a slacker writer sometimes. Well I don't have a time-turner so let's just pick it up from this point and sally forth.

I had so much fun this past year, sophomore year was nutso. I have amazing roommates Natalie, Hailey, Alisa, and Kay who I just met when we moved in to our Raintree apt and they are SO much fun! I am such a dork when it comes to friends, I never assume that someone will be willing to spend time with me so every single time we talked or hung out, I appreciated it. Bonfires, hiking, longboarding, talking, EATING, sleeping, watching movies on our movie theatre-style couches, hot tub, pool (it was a one-time affair really, way too cold), ETC. Basically, all you really need to know is that I took easier classes so I wasn't so stressed (I seriously considered dropping out for a semester to backpack through Europe) and it totally paid off. I met some amazing people who I loved getting to know and hopefully I will see them again when I live in Alta because I'll have a car (and my legs, it's only like a block over) and I plan on hot tub hopping.
It's getting down to the wire with my mission prep. This has been a very complicated decision for me. I am preparing to go full-force with it but there is a person who is really unique to me and I am intrigued enough to want to spend more time with said person before I fully commit to my mission. Talk to me in person if you want to know more. :)
I just got back from spending 4 full days babysitting/housesitting my two young cousins (5 and 3) and it was a blast. No, really. I love being in charge and being a "mom" catered to that idea completely. I got to make decisions constantly like: what food I made for them, how much tv time, how much play time, where we went for picnics, how the fort should be built (just kidding, they had a little bit of say), how much time we spent at the library, the list goes on. I really hope it's like that when I'm a mom because it was flipping fun. And I felt like I had super patience, considering that I'm not a particularly patient person, but I was super calm but had positive energy CONSTANTLY. Not to brag, but I was awesome. You all should seriously try it sometime, it made me excited to have my own kids. Ok, this is probably TMI but I'm not big into the filter lately. After all, April is Honesty Month! I'm going to be honest with myself and others about what is really important to me and how I feel about other people. I took a class at Disney (yep, it was a fru-fru class) but I had time to think about some cool things and one of the things the teacher talked about was to simply nix all of the crappy stuff in your life. Seriously let me throw in some cliches: YOLO, life is too short to spend it with people who don't deserve your time, live like you're dying, life is like a box of chocolates. Ok, the last one wasn't as relevant but I just wanted to address it: usually the boxes of chocolate that I buy have a menu thing on the back so I actually DO know what I'm going to get. I like to think of life as a grab bag from Plato's Closet. (do they still have those?)
Current obsession: Charlie the Perfect Dog. I am in deep trouble. I have fallen in love with a dog that I am not even guaranteed to adopt. I have to wait for the application to process and then a house visit (oh my gosh I need to plaster my bedroom walls with pictures of dogs asap so they know I'm serious) but it's basically blasphemous how much I adore this dog. It's a sheepadoodle (I know, cute) and this is what it looks like 
That link should basically tell you how cute and perfect Charlie is, soon to be renamed Charli or Charly. (calm down Court, you don't own her yet) But anywho I'm going to just continue enjoying my time as a free spirit while I don't have school or work responsibilities. I am planning on working out now (never know when I'll see the hot neighbor this summer), then going to horseback riding with my sister, then dindin, then SKYPE with some of my favorite people ever: Lily, Alisa, and Natalie. If you want in, text me peeps. I will be looking rough though since I can't locate tweezers to tame my eyebrows so just accept that it's a wild day. Btw, the pics are ones I added in from some of my favorite things right now on PINTEREST. I am so Mormon, it's ridiculous but I can't help how fun this thing is, join and follow and I'll follow back.
Toodles, Court

Be Grateful

I tell my family how grateful I am whenever I skype or call them. I show my gratitude through action: "reaching out" texts, doing well in school, attending church activities, and making time to talk to them. I told my family how much I appreciate them because it makes me feel less in debt and because they are so appreciative of my expressions of gratitude. I love how much support I feel from them at all times, even though they are across the country. 

Hungarian Dance: Why So Serious?

I am flattered by the cute way Lowell asked me to the Hungarian Dance, very sweet.
He asked me through a puzzle message which means that he spent time putting together the puzzle so he could write on the back! I love puzzlessss and it was fun putting it together with some roommates and friends. There's a dress swap going on tomorrow which will be nice because I LOVE my royal blue satin dress but I would love to wear something different for another formal dance. My roomies are all going to look lovelyyyy and it was fun trying on their dresses today and all deciding who should wear what dress.

I need to stop being so sensitive to the fact that girls are competitive. Just because I wouldn't suggest things that have potential to make someone sad doesn't mean that they've necessarily thought through all of that also. The fact that the puzzle was the evil queen wasn't a negative thing, it was part of his question. I love my roomies and that's the most important thing.
Next, I want my hair to look fabulous because it's currently the longest it has ever been in my entire life and I have this window of opportunity while one of my roommates is a fresh graduate from Marinello's School of Beauty and she loves playing with hair. Let's get braid-crazy, shall we?
By the way, I started writing a book that I'm going to keep completely to myself for a few years, possibly. I just want to nurture and prune it based solely on my own opinion until the very end because people are not always tactful and I don't want this to cause me anxiety.
Exciting news: got a letter from Jerr-Bear today. :) (please ignore how crazed I look, it's almost 3 am) It was a great letter and he was so thoughtful to send me a row of stamps so I don't have to go crazy looking for stamps to mail his letters!! He's currently in the city of Gaoxiang which he says is one of the most polluted cities in the world, so he can barely see an 85-story tall building that is within view of his apartment. It made me really happy to get his letter & it makes me feel content to type out all of the above information also.
I really must get some sleep, I'm waking up tomorrow to work-out (probably just Abs Core Plus because I want my waist to look fabulous for the dress) and then go to the TA lab for Finance and have an overall relaxing day. Love, Courtney

Well If This Isn't Nice, I Don't Know What Is

Things that I really love:
tie dye clothes
spectacular photography
fall asleep in the sun
wearing trendy clothes
reading books that I can't put down
long talks
taking showers
painting my nails
good hair days
compliments
making plans with my family
making money
white, flowy sheets and blankets
long, descriptive words that mean exactly what i need
speaking Arabic
hearing people laugh
wedding dress shopping
BYU
the smell of leather
the smell of paint
pyjamas
wondering if I have a soulmate
anything romantic
animals
kids with personalities
making something new from random ingredients I have
news reports on the middle east
hugs
my visiting teaching calling
thinking about my mission
the color sage green
saying "I love you" to people I love
thinking about good book ideas
having time to ponder
reading scriptures
sharing my testimony
the color silver
clunker cars
bohemian culture
England
Germany
Mexico
Australia
North Carolina
France
clean socks
flat stomach
snuggling
boys who talk
expressing myself coherently
Enya
sleepovers
blanket forts
strings of lights
nerds
being nerdy with people
my glasses
helping other people
intelligent people
bonfires
the night
the day
having people appreciate me for who I am
kissing
getting back massages
the movie Warrior
when I'm witty
reconnecting with old friends who act like no time has passed at all
dreaming
<3 Court

Valentine's Day, A History

Valentine's Day doesn't have to be a sad thing if you're not dating someone. I love having this day as a marker to evaluate the people I truly love who are in my life. I have a beautiful and fabulous family, caring and supportive extended family, successful and fun friends, and I have a pillow pet named Raja who has never misplaced my trust and is the best listener a girl could ask for.
Do you know the history of Valentine's Day? I didn't really know, so I googled it and now I do.
There was a Catholic priest who served during the third century in Rome named Valentine. Emperor Claudius II was the ruler at this time and determined that single soldiers were more effective in battle than married soldiers so he outlawed marriages at this time. Valentine thought this was really dumb, so he kept performing marriages secretly. When Claudius II found out, he had Valentine put to death (martyred).
So there you have it, love prevails.
I truly need to spend more time on my blog because there is a lot going on right now. But for now, I must attend to school and dressing for a wedding. xoxo Court