Current Thoughts: "What is going on?"

I have felt every conceivable emotion in the past few days. I have loved seeing Janani, Meagan, Laura, and skyping with Steven and Lily!! I have sent out roughly 40 job applications and have an interview for 10 AM tomorrow lined up with Hardee's for a biscuit-maker job. This might possibly conflict with an opportunity I have to work at a daycare with a woman from church. Emotions involved: initially repelled from Hardee's lack of good food and fast food environment, grateful to hear back from SOMEBODY, stressed about possibly not getting another job, anxiety over the fact that I may have missed a babysitting opportunity by waiting an extra day to hear back from another babysitting offer, sadness that my parents keep giving advice that condemns my current plan of action, uncertainty about whether my parent's constant questioning is in fact squelching my self-motivation, and general weariness at the prospect of uncertain hours at Tropical Smoothie for the rest of the summer. I also am trying to suppress feelings of resentment that my parents wanted me to stay home for the summer because they missed me but I may have missed big opportunities in Washington, D.C. or in Utah. I love my family but the job situation is starting to take its toll on not only my motivation but also on my energy level. Ughhhhhhhh.

Anywho, my roadtrip to visit my Nana and Grandpere is a much-needed break from these emotions. I love my grandparents and I hope that I will not be too melancholy. I have never worried about being able to control my emotions at will, but recently I have seen how it has disrupted my natural conversation style and it worries me that I am not able to put things out of my mind completely when interacting with non-related people. I should probably clean my room but I have to do it when I have the motivation and that motivation is depleted whenever it is mentioned so it's a delicate balance between allowing enough time to pass after my parents bring it up and genuinely being in the mood before they bring it up again. I love my parents and I respect them but I'm realizing that time spent at college has frozen my abilities and personality in their mind while I have been gone and now that I'm back, I feel as though my character is regressing slightly because they don't know how I've grown so I have to constantly reassert who I am and that is driving me crazy. My sister Hali and I get along much better now than we did when I first came home. I think the key is to just be the person I know I am and letting the rest of the family catch up with it. 

I am also consumed by thoughts of my mission and its implications. There is a fascinating person in my life that overwhelms me with his potential and our potential for a synergistic relationship but this cannot be determined until we are together. I just deleted a large portion of what I wrote because it's so personal that I should not post it in a public blog. Just know that if you see me and I seem to have erratic behavior or mannerisms that it is a direct result of the intense pressure of my current life. 

I must bid adieu to get dressed for work and possibly jog in place for a minute to amp up my energy levels. I have an amazing life and I must be so careful to appreciate everything in it, so I close now with my reassertion that I am grateful for this job and I will do a good job today at blending those smoothies. :)

Court 

Wearing Over-Sized Cat Shirt, Will Write.

Ooooooooooook. I'm a lazy writer. Bite me.

So life is kind of busy and sometimes I like doing easybrain things like scroll through my Fbook newsfeed and get short-term highs from funny gifs on Tumblr.

So I had a weird dream last night that I am suddenly forgetting about... I mainly remember that there was a lot of dark blue, black, and illicit activities. A lot of action. And I had to sneak around so the bad guys wouldn't see me. Why do we forget our dreams so quickly? I think it should be a mandatory life activity to write about our dreams as soon as we wake up, before we think about anything else. This should be so important that it can be used as a viable excuse for being late to other appointments and activities. I want to be a professional kookologist or whatever the name is for a professional dream analyzer. Our dreams are our subconscious working through the stuff we think about while we're awake. Do I have a secret desire to be involved in illicit activities?? Maybe.

Update on my life in 20 words: Tropsmoo worker again, planning roadtrip to DisneyWorld, goldendoodle puppy in two weeks, writing a book, intense thinking about my life. Any other questions? Text, comment, or email me.

ANYWHO, I have been doing some serious career analysis. This may or may not have been brought on by my being turned down by Chipotle in lieu of another candidate who was more qualified. FOR CHIPOTLE?! How hard can it be to ask "Black beans or baked beans?", hear "black beans", and scoop black beans onto a burrito?? Apparently too difficult according to a review of my current qualifications.. It's no big deal really, I just can't believe how crazy it is to get a job. I'm happy with my job, but 45 applications later and still nothing super promising. Two major roadblocks: I can't be a waitress because I'm not old enough to serve alcohol and I'm only looking for a summer job so I can't continue work after August. Enough of this rant.

The Olympics start on July 27th! I am so excited to chill on the couch and eat candy while I watch it. Actually I'm going to do something new, I plan on doing a (severely) modified version of the event I'm watching so I can feel a 1/1000th of their experience. I have made an exciting self-discovery: I never feel guilty while watching television because I am constantly analyzing whatever I am watching. I consciously file away portions of what I watch to either support or dismiss prior opinions. I just make sure I watch as little junk as possible (Bravo in moderation).

So if you're still reading, you must be kind of obsessed with me so I'll continue with some more of my observations about myself. I'm kind of at a standstill with the books I'm reading because "Zero Day" by David Baldacci I fear has some scary stuff forthcoming (based on what I've read so far) and the other one "Wheel of Time" or something like that, has weird names for everyone and the characters behave abnormally. It was given to me by this really cool guy that I met at a hot tub though and the book is adorably duct-taped back together because he has read it so much so I'm going to get through the book no matter what.

My mom just came in to see what I was doing and when I told her I was updating my blogs, she gave me a severely disapproving look that I had multiple public blogs. I think my parents are sometimes confused by me.

I worked out today at the gym today and I feel great! I've been working out quite a bit since being home and my job requires me to either stand or walk so I consider it a form of non-sedentary behavior, which is a plus. This guy kept showing up at a machine nearby whenever I moved around the gym, which was either coincidence or a form of flattery. I looked like a hot mess though so I think we can safely assume that he has a hottie crush on me. It is so strange how differently I write, from how I think, from how I speak.

Mom just told me that I have a good memory for books, ok she gets me.

Ok I'm going to do some more soul-searching as I either make a valiant attempt at the books or chillax on netflix with a foreign documentary or chat with Mumzie. I didn't write a lot of what I intended to write, but I am pleased with the fact that I made it here and jotted down a few alphabetical characters.

Ciao! xoxo Coco